I’ve been listening to his voice for two days now, the pain I hear in it is unbearable. He can’t figure out what he did wrong, where he went wrong and he doesn’t understand that it has nothing to do with him. Women like us, we’re just fucked up in the head and always trying to stay one step ahead in this game that we call life.
I can’t find the words to comfort him and I’m so afraid that this heartache will be his demise. He swears his health is fine, but I’m calling his bluff. I hate her. A woman I felt close to only days before, I now hate her with the intensity of a billion burning suns. She’s ripped out the heart of a man that I care deeply about, a man who has become a father to me. I know she’s been broken in the past, but that doesn’t give her the right to break someone else. But maybe this is just the habit of women like us.
And this is one of my biggest flaws as a human- I feel much too deeply. My own heart feels broken and has for days now. I thought it was my own depression kicking in, but I haven’t had any reason to feel this way. Even with my illness, life has been good and I am still taking my medication. I have no reason to feel this way. And then I found out what she did. She broke his heart and all I can think of is that I hope someone breaks hers soon as well. Because this is what we do, once we’ve been broken, it’s like a disease inside of us that takes us over, growing, spreading, until we infect everyone else around us. This is what we’re like, women like us.
I met him at work. He seemed to be a grumpy old man, not in the least bit friendly. I had been warned that his personality wasn’t the most pleasant but I saw something in him that reminded me of myself. He was afraid. Afraid of letting people in. I was patient though. I took my time getting to know him and little did I know that he was defending me as well to the rest of the Team when they would comment that I was standoffish. He understood that I’m just guarded. I’ve been hurt too many times in the past, the same as him. I cannot afford to have my heart broken again. I couldn’t survive it. I think I would lose my mind. I would lose myself. He understands that even without me having to say it aloud because he is the same. He understands because he understands women like us.
He came with me twice to court. He held me when I broke down into tears, he kept eye contact with me while I was on the stand. He gave me strength. Once, he even offered me the ultimate gift of freedom. I wanted to take him up on his offer but the consequences were too high and I’m a firm believer in Karma. I know he just didn’t want me to hurt anymore, because me loves me. He wants to help fix me if he can. He knows how hard it is to live with the things she and I live with because he understands women like us.
It’s not an inappropriate type of love. He loves me like he would love his own daughter. He understands that we are from the same mold. He knows that I am here for him when he needs me to be but that I also understand when he needs his space because I am the same way sometimes.
And now his heart is broken and his mind is running wild with the “What if’s” and I hate it that there’s only so much that I can do to help him. I hate her. I hate her for putting in his voice the pain I have heard for the past two days. I hate her. I hate what she’s done to him. And I hate it that I don’t know how to help him. I hate it that he has fallen for and now had his heart broken by a woman who is like Us.