For Fear Of Being Judged

My sentiments exactly on keeping a journal. From time to time I destroy them when I worry about someone reading them, someone who won’t understand what I have written. Unfortunately, it happens often, prying eyes. I end up being accused of things, never asked out of genuine interest about my thoughts and feelings. No, I am always being accused, always being made to feel wrong about the words that I write. Writing soothes my soul though, so I have recently made the decision to write regardless of how anyone who may read it may feel afterwards. I write in the hopes that I may heal. 💖



I decided to try using a picture prompt to get the creativity jump started. I don’t really know where this will lead, but here goes! 

In the dim twilight hours I tried to discern between the fog and the smoke that Jax was exhaling. They looked one and the same. It was almost sexy to look at. It was almost as if Jax was causing the fog. The smoke swirled and danced around him and I resisted the urge to reach out and attempt to grasp ahold of it- either the smokish fog or Jax himself. His eyes twinkled with amusement as he watched me watching him.

What are you thinking Dee.

It was a statement, not a question. Jax never asked anything. He demanded answers but in a way that made your heart quicken and your palms sweaty. A way that caused your thoughts to become jumbled and your words to trip over each other on the way out.

I, uh, the smoke looks like fog, I answered lamely, immediately thinking that I should regret the foolish way in which I had just attempted to express my thoughts, but being unable to because I was absolutely mesmerized. 

He laughed then and it wasn’t the laugh I had expected. I had always imagined that when he laughed it would be something low, sultry and sexy. But that wasn’t how it came out. It was a genuine laugh, a boyish laugh. I became fixated on his perfectly straight, white teeth as he threw back his hooded head. God, he was gorgeous.

I thought briefly that maybe I should be saying something witty, maybe something seductive. I was pretty good at being sexy when I wanted to be. But being in his presence was making forget how to be sexy. I imagined myself standing much the way zombies are depicted to stand, kinda slouched with vacant eyes, maybe a lame arm that hung motionless at their side. God I hoped that wasn’t what I looked like. 

We were standing on the side of a… Of a what? I had forgotten already. I think he was trying to hypnotize me. We were standing on the side of a building, I can’t remember what the reason was, and Jax was leaned against the wall, his right leg pulled up, his foot pressed against the wall. His right hand was in his pocket and the left gently plucked the cigarette from his mouth after another drag. I knew I was staring, probably with my mouth open, but I didn’t care. It’s not like I had much control over my actions at this point.

God, he’s gorgeous, I thought to myself as I observed him. 

He had the hood of his zip-up sweater pulled up over his head but I could still make out his bright blue eyes, those eyes that were framed by the most luscious lashes I had ever seen on a guy. I drank in everything in front of me- his stubbly beard from having gone several days without shaving, his curvy lips that were pulled up in one corner in a half-smile, or maybe it was a smirk. 

How long did we stand there? I have no idea. 

Let’s get out of here, Jax finally said, his eyes searching my own, but for what I wasn’t sure.

I broke out of my trance, slightly shaking my head in an attempt to clear my thoughts or lack thereof. I nodded in agreement. I was thinking to myself that I wish I could remember how to be sexy, but at the moment I couldn’t remember anything at all. 

He pushed himself off the wall into a full standing position and turned to walk. I felt my breath catch as I looked up and down his 6’4 frame, those solid shoulders, those strong, muscular arms, that tight ass…I gently reached out and slipped my small hand into his own. He turned his head slightly and firmly grasped my hand but had no reaction otherwise. I like to think he smiled slightly, but I wouldn’t want to get my hopes up.

We walked for about five minutes when he suddenly stopped, pulling his cigarette from between his lips and tossing it on the ground. I watched the tendrils of smoke rising off of it and wondered randomly if he would get a ticket for littering. No matter, we both knew if he did I would pay the fine for him, whether he asked me to or not.

And then his hands were on my waist, turning me to him and his body was against mine, pushing me up against the brick wall of a building whose name I didn’t know. Hell, I didn’t even know where we were. Nor did I care. All I cared about at that moment was his right hand wrapped in the hair at the back of my head, pulling me closer to him, the look in his eye as he leaned down, right before he gently brought his lips to mine. As his kiss turned more passionate I was vaguely aware of his left hand trailing up my right thigh, I had worn a black mini skirt that night. 

I stood on my toes and wrapped my slender arms around his neck, clinging to him, hungrily devouring his kisses. His stubble felt like it was rubbing my chin raw but I loved it. I loved every moment of it. I felt my body starting to feel charged, like a thousand volts of electricity were surging through my veins. I wondered if he felt it too. I think he must have because he suddenly shivered and pulled away from me. 

He untangled my arms from around his neck and lay one palm on the wall next to us, both of us were panting. I needed more, more of him. I reached for him but Jax gently clasped both of my wrists and laughed softly. I loved that twinkle in his eyes. 

And then the moment had passed. His smile slowly faded and he released my wrists. I stood unsure for a moment as he turned and continued walking down the sidewalk. I know he knew I would follow. He knew I would always follow him. 

It’s Party Time!!! Come right in 👡👢👞🎶

a cooking pot and twisted tales


Hop in, grab a drink and let’s get this party started.

You are most welcome do make yourself comfortable.

Refreshments are nicely arranged down the page: Drinks, Chocolates, Cakes, Donuts, freshly squeezed juice, Coffee, Tea and so much more. :-)

We even have an Intercontinental Chef in the house. Go right ahead  and place your orders😉Just the little rules of play:

  1. You must mix and mingle with others. Don’t be a wallflower. Go say hello to someone and you can participate in the Tag a poem up above.
  2.  Please leave your blog link or post link in the comment box below along with introductions.
  3. It’s one link per comment, but come back as often as you’d like, that way it’s easier to focus on a link at a time for others.
  4. Please reblog, spread the word of the party like butter, or like, share on Twitter, Pinterest, Google+, Facebook, etc. Tell…

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