30DOW: Day 11




Mine is but a chirp in a crowd of screams. My face, hidden in a sea of faces, drowning as we ebb and flow as one. My voice has grown hoarse and my throat is raw. I cannot see the shore any longer and my arms grow tired from treading. With every new wave I swallow down a little more water, the salt begins to taste like blood and I cannot catch my breath. I am drowning.

My arms and legs are growing so weary, I am losing my strength. My legs are stretching, trying to touch the bottom but instead my toes brush against something slick. I’m waiting for a savior.

I know the storm is coming. I turn my face up to the skies and watch the dark clouds rolling in. It’s like a time lapse, moving quickly but in frames. I am mesmerized. I cannot look away as the lightning crashes and the sky is illuminated. I wonder what is beyond those clouds and I wonder if today will be the day I find out.

And suddenly there is a man before me and he reaches his hand out to me and tells me he will save me but it must be my decision and mine alone. His eyes are so familiar and he tells me he has loved me for a thousand years and a thousand more before that and all I need to do now is to take his hand. But my arms are so heavy, I’m slowly sinking. I pray for relief.

I try to convince myself that even if I do resurface, even if I make it through this, is it worth it? I’ve been trying my best to stay afloat for so long and even when the storm passes I know there will be another one and another one after that. There are always storms and I cannot seek shelter. I face the storm alone as bravely as I can and after awhile the salt water shows me illusions that are so beautiful. I feel my muscles start to relax as my mind convinces me that all is well and I slowly start to sink. I am so tired but I cannot let go. I cannot give up. I must hold on just a little while longer. I pray for the sun to come out and I know it will if I am just patient.