Beautiful Freedom


Sitting in this waiting room trying to ignore the dull throbbing at my temples and the pain in my ear that has been a warning sign before of oncoming anxiety attacks. Unlike most times when I come to pick up my meds, today the waiting room isn’t filled with other patients having angry conversations with themselves after having come out of the bathroom with their pants around their knees. I’m not that far gone yet or maybe I’m worse off because I can’t openly show my insanity like everyone else in this room. It’s been a week, give or take a day or two, since the last time I’ve taken a pill and I’ve been terrified of having a panic attack, especially while driving. But life goes on. I’m thankful that today is Friday, this means at least one full day of rest, a chance to recuperate and quiet the chaos in my head. After I had picked up my medication, while in the parking lot, I saw the most beautiful squirrel. It let me get so close to snap a photo and I wished I had something to feed it. I envy the freedom of wild animals. I can’t imagine what it must feel like. When I was younger I used to hope that one day, if I was ever destined to be reincarnated that I would have the opportunity to be a beautiful animal- a tropical fish maybe, a dolphin, I’ve always loved the water. Or maybe an exotic bird like my favorite- the Toucan. I always figured it couldn’t hurt to be beautiful while being free. But beauty has it’s own share of problems, I’m sure, no matter what form it comes in.