OCD

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The thing with me is that it’s too far too easy for me to become stuck on something. Usually it’s words but sometimes it’s other things. I thrive in routine and this is what I blame for what seems to be my consistency. It’s soothing for me to always know what’s just around the corner, I’ve never been one for surprises. I’ve always had the luck to be cursed with unpleasant surprises, surprises that leave me wounded for long periods of time afterwards. I need to know what to expect so that I can prepare myself mentally and emotionally. I stumbled across a video on Facebook awhile back of a poet reciting a piece of his work and funny enough, it was titled “OCD.” I fell in love with these spoken words. Isn’t it funny how such a small thing can make such a great impact in our lives, causing us to abandon everything we previously held to be known as right and true? It’s usually had damaging effects on me afterwards, practicing these unpredictable behaviors and in the end I end up chastising myself, telling myself that I should’ve listened to my intuition, shouldn’t have strayed from my tried and true path because for me, wondering has always been less painful than knowing. I can always let go of those things that I obsessively wonder about over a short period of time but those things that I took a chance on and ended up hurting over, I hold onto those forever.

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