I told myself I could finish out this challenge.
I told myself I was going strong.
I told myself my words mattered, to me if to no one else.
I told myself I would listen to the stories inside of me and share them with the world.
But tonight, my mind is quiet.
Earlier today I said I would distract myself when my coworker started sharing details about her relationship.
We’ve worked together for about six months now, maybe less, and she’s always told me such beautiful things about her daughters. It’s obvious she loves them very much.
I never really noticed that she never speaks of her husband.
Maybe I should’ve noticed that when does, she only speaks about the times in the past when he was abusive.
She says he’s changed now.
Until today, I never noticed the moments of silence that always follow these particular conversations.
But today, I listened when she was quiet.
On my way home after picking the Little People up from school, I thought about my favorite bloggers and wondered what they were thinking about.
I pictured one typing out words on a laptop, maybe drinking something fruity, maybe a tea. I don’t know her preferences. I imagined the other smoking a cigarette, leaned against the window of a skyscraper, looking out over the city. I don’t even know if he lives in a big city. I like to think he does.
I wondered what I would say if I had the opportunity to say something to them. I would want it to be something meaningful, I would hope it would be something meaningful, but I’m not the best at spoken conversation.
I wondered if these two people would listen when I was quiet.
Tonight as I was jotting down ideas about things I might write about I thought about all of the written words I’ve read in the past couple of months and I told myself once again that I would write something equally beautiful, or at least attempt to. I told myself that all good writers think their words are absolute rubbish but that doesn’t mean they truly are. I told myself I should just allow the words to flow from my brain to the paper.
I sat and let something be born onto paper, I watched something blossom and suddenly, my mind went quiet.