The stuff is burning in a fancy holder somewhere nearby but I cannot seem to open my eyes to find it. It’s a light woodsy scent, or maybe that’s just how all incense smells, I’m not really sure and my eyes feel so heavy, as though they have glue in them. A million pins prickle my skin and waves of air blow over my naked body breaking me out in goosebumps but it’s one of the best feelings in the world.

The darkness reaches out and envelopes me, caresses my skin the same as when my foot falls asleep. It’s not unpleasant and makes me even more sleepy. I turn my head and watch the ribbon of smoke snaking it’s way towards the ceiling.

I can hear a television playing softly somewhere and my arm attempts to reach out and find him, but he isn’t there. Slowly it all comes back to me, the lovemaking, the words he spoke afterwards, the way my heart stopped and if I was sober I probably would have started crying. Instead, I gather my clothes up and put on as much as I dare to stay for before heading out of the bedroom, through the living room and out the front door. I stand for a moment on his porch and watch as the sun rises, turning the sky into pinks and purples. I am tired of this but I know in two weeks, I will be right back here.

When I’ve reached home I lay in my king sized bed alone, staring up at the ceiling in the darkness of the early morning hours and wonder where I will go from here. Something hurts inside of me and this is a new feeling. Rolling over, my hair falls across my face like a curtain and I can smell the incense woven into each strand. I inhale deeply and wonder if I will ever be able to smell that smell again and not wish that I could change that moment.


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