Discovery

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What would I even write about if I could find the words? Everything has been said before. I can’t bring myself to write about the things in my head, the things that are true. Well, true to me at least.

How could I tell you about the jealousy I feel over things from the past? The hate and loathing and shame and pain. How could I write you a fairy tale when I’ve lived through a thousand nightmares? Where would I even begin?

If given the chance would you sift through my journal and try to decipher the broken words where I have torn through the page with my pen or better yet, the half pages and bits of pages that I destroyed once the pain gave way to rage? Would you read my words and think to yourself, “Man this woman needs help.” Or would my words stir something in your chest and make you realize that maybe we are not so different afterall?

Would my words make you cringe, would you think to yourself, “Maybe she was having a bad day…” Would you convince yourself that the smile that you sometimes see elsewhere is more than just skin deep? Would you make yourself believe my life is perfect or as close to it as possible?

If I could make myself write about how often I want to run away and hide, away from everyone who loves me because I don’t know how to cope with love unless it hurts would you shake your head in pity, would you tell yourself, “I hope one day she finds the happiness she deserves, one day I hope she realizes how loved she is”? Or would you think that I am only being dramatic, making these things up, making them out to seem worse than they really are?

If you read the words I write when I’m alone and can’t stop- can’t stop my mind, the tears, the rage, can’t stop anything- would you reach out and tell me “I am here”? Would you check up on me and tell me tidbits about yourself, ask me about myself, make an effort to find out what makes me tick? Or you would skim over what I’ve written and chalk it off to a bad day?

Once my words have torn your heart apart will you still want to read more? Will you turn every page, anxious to see how I pulled myself through this breakdown, through that obstacle, through the anxiety? Will you observe me from afar and tell yourself that you’ll just keep an eye on me until I’ve seemed to snap out of it, until I’ve seemed to just get over it?

And what about when you see that it’s always like this, well mostly almost always. Would you still open that email, visit my page, thumb through my journal? Would you still want to know what happens next?

Weekend Coffee Post

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Good afternoon! I hope you’re having a relaxing Sunday this 15th day of January. The weather in my part of Texas is currently chilly and cloudy. It’s 47 degrees and wet outside but from what, I’m unsure.

If we were having coffee I would tell you that last week was a pretty decent week. For the past two weeks I’ve been having to go into work at 5 a.m. for some overtime and I have to admit that I’m thankful that’s over with now. Tomorrow I start back with my usual schedule of going in at 7:30. I’m not a big fan of early mornings, especially not ones without coffee which is what I was suffering through last week.

The Family and I moved into a new house a few weekends ago and have been getting used to life in new surroundings. So far it seems everyone is still loving it, which I am thankful for. Unfortunately, there is still much to do at the old house and not enough time to so it. I have one week to get the apartment cleaned before our lease is officially up. I’m not looking forward to it.

If we were having coffee I would tell you that I’ve declared 2017 as the year that I stay consistent with my writing. Did I say this last year? Probably. Did I keep up with this resolution? Most definitely not. Will I keep up with this resolution this year? Probably not. Alas, I have already told myself I will write more often so who knows. Maybe I’ll surprise myself.

I haven’t been very productive so far in this resolution, I haven’t written any fiction in some time now. Sometimes some ideas pop into my head and I’ll jot a few lines down in a notebook or maybe in the notepad app on my phone but these ideas always get abandoned before they are explored any further. I’m telling myself I’ll start journaling again a bit this year. My soul could use some soothing.

If we were having coffee I would tell you that earlier today I discovered online that the book, A Journal For Damned Lovers, written by writer and fellow blogger, S.K. Nicholas is available at the Books-a-Million in my town and I’m planning on taking a stop by there this afternoon to scoop up my copy, if I can motivate myself to get up and get moving in this godawful weather that is.

And now I’ve got to try to get myself motivated because my son needs new pants for school. I wish the weather would make it into the 70’s today, alas, I don’t think Spring will come before May this year. I hope everyone had a lovely weekend and have a productive Monday!

Meet and Greet: 1/13/17

Meet and Greet Weekend is finally here! Come and discover some wonderful blogs! 🎉🎁🎈🎂

Dream Big, Dream Often

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Evelina and I are Disney bound so that means…it’s the Meet and Greet weekend everyone!!    

Ok so here are the rules:

  1. Leave a link to your page or post in the comments of this post.
  2. Reblog this post.  It helps you, it helps me, it helps everyone!
  3. Edit your reblog post and add tags.
  4. Feel free to leave your link multiple times!  It is okay to update your link for more exposure every day if you want.  It is up to you!

  5. Share this post on social media.  Many of my non-blogger friends love that I put the Meet n Greet on Facebook and Twitter because they find new blogs to follow.

See ya on Monday!!

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Meet and Greet: 1/7/17

Meet and Greet Weekend is finally here! Come and discover some great blogs! 🎉🎈

Dream Big, Dream Often

 dreambigwallpaper-pinkombre

It’s the Meet and Greet weekend everyone!!    

Ok so here are the rules:

  1. Leave a link to your page or post in the comments of this post.
  2. Reblog this post.  It helps you, it helps me, it helps everyone!
  3. Edit your reblog post and add tags.
  4. Feel free to leave your link multiple times!  It is okay to update your link for more exposure every day if you want.  It is up to you!

  5. Share this post on social media.  Many of my non-blogger friends love that I put the Meet n Greet on Facebook and Twitter because they find new blogs to follow.

See ya on Monday!!

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Weekly Smile #53

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Wow! I’m actually writing before I go to bed! 😄 I’ve been absent for awhile now but not because of laziness or lack of inspiration. I actually have a valid reason this time! The Mister and I and the kids moved out of our apartment and into a house! 😍 We’ve been here for a week now and extremely busy just adjusting to life in a new home, not to mention I’ve been working at 5 a.m. for the past week. 😕 I agreed to work these hours for some offered overtime and have been exhausted. 😴 Five a.m. is a ridiculous hour for me to be alive. 😒

I haven’t really done much, just trying to get the house in order while also trying to organize and clean the old apartment which has been challenging. We don’t have much left at the apartment but it’s enough to make me want to just throw it all out. 😄 We’ve got everything important that we need at the new house, like the coffee maker!

I really love it that we now have a fairly decent sized backyard that the girls can run around in and scream and yell all they want without the neighbors complaining. My Oldest daughter has been working on her artwork and Youngest has been playing with the new Legos her and her sister got for Christmas. Everyone seems much happier, which makes me happy.

The Mister has his heart set on getting a puppy! He wants a Husky but I want a Pomeranian so we’ve agreed to see if we can’t compromise and find a Pomsky! I’ve been Googling images of Pomskies all day long and am absolutely in love! 😍 They’re too cute! I can’t wait to get a puppy. It’s been too long since I’ve had an animal companion and I think the children will enjoy it as well.

And these are the things that have made me smile this past week! 😄