Intuition
Laying in a ball, the anxiety crushing, the anger building. I’m feeling lost. A fight between doing what I am afraid not to do and what I am told is right, I am leaning towards the fear based option.
These types of decisions are difficult for me. I am too easily frightened by threats because I know all too well how quickly threats can be brought to life, into punishment and pain. I tell myself I need to do the right thing, but what is the right thing?
My head and my heart are at war, always at war. I want to trust and believe that everything will turn out okay but my anxiety will not allow it. I listen to my anxiety too much and my brain tells me it is the truth. I believe things that aren’t happening, things that I dream into existence. I drive myself crazy with these things.
Is it because I am a dreamer? Is it because I’m a writer? Someone close to me once told me that my imagination gets away from me because I spend too much time in my head. Maybe this is true but at least if this is truly the case I have no one to blame but myself.
Write On 
A very painful description of an internal struggle. Hope this is fiction.
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I wish more than half of what I write about was fiction. 😕
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Sounds like a difficult condition too live with, I hope you are managing.
A vivid imagination can be a double-edged sword, as you are describing, but I’m glad to see that your writing thrives on it.
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