30DOW: Day 23

Speechless

I’ve been trying all day to find the words and I cannot. How can I even begin to express how happy I am in this moment? “Happy” isn’t a word that even begins to describe this feeling, yet I cannot find something more proper.

How can I put into words how full my heart feels? How complete I feel? The anxiety was still there today, I think it’s almost always there, but even with the numbness in my mouth (a nasty symptom of the anxiety), the dizziness, the nausea, the racing heart, even with all of that, I feel complete.

How can I describe how much it warmed my heart to see family that the kids and I have only seen once openly show affection and attention to my amazingly wonderful Little People? What words can I use to tell you how I almost felt as though I would cry as I watched Youngest being loved on by her Grandpa, for Oldest to be laughing with his Uncle and for Middle to be close to me, neither of us fighting with each other as we usually do? Having the Mister near me, taking our first family photo together, great food and even better family.

I cannot find the words to express why I feel like crying with happiness in this moment. 💖