Beneath the bright moonlight he reaches over and takes my hand. Our feet dangle from the pier and the waves gently crash against the jetties. Nearby I can hear some fish splashing in and out of the water. The breeze is refreshing on my sunburnt skin from earlier in the day.
“Do you want me to sing you a song,” he asks with a twinkle in his eye.
I don’t have to look at him to know his eyes are twinkling. His damn eyes are always twinkling. He’s like a child, so easily amused and even easier to please. I’ve grown tired of playing these games with him. I’ve only been trying to pass the time and he was convenient.
I decide to ignore his question but he starts singing anyways. I don’t know who told him he has a good voice, he starts singing some twangy nonsense that is neither my taste, nor is on key. I shudder and pull out my phone. I don’t have to look at him to know he is craning his neck to see who I am messaging. And in this moment, I do not care.
I’m messaging Him, of course. The only one so far in this lifetime who has understood me. The only one who hasn’t asked me to not be Me. The only one who has been able to soothe my fears and anxieties. The only one who doesn’t make me feel like I’m wasting my time.
He leans in and I know he is about to kiss me, in an effort to take my mind off of Him. I feel the disgust on my skin like creepy crawlers, more than just shivers. Like a flesh eating disease. I sigh and stand, wiping my hands on my pants, turn and walk back down the dock. Back towards Him. Of all the things in the world that make absolutely no sense, returning to Him is the most sane thing I could ever do in this insane life. I will always return to him.